Staying Open to What's Stirring In Me

I was 24 years old when one day I decided to leave my hometown into the unknown.
With very little money and no Green Card, I headed to Los Angeles to pursue my insatiable longing to be an actress.
I think back with awe at that young brave woman.
I think back now with even more awe at my mother who smiled (I think) and supported this huge endeavor.

I’m a mother now, too, so I see all sides of this story.
I can only imagine how intense that must have been for her,
her youngest child, her only girl heading to LALA land.

Los Angeles has been so good to me.
The growth has been paramount
I credit so much of that growth with a business that requires me to dig deep into my worthiness in order for me to thrive.
I learned a long time ago (thanks to a mentor and the stellar tools of Alanon) not to judge my insides by others outsides.
And that all the money in the world
or fancy homes and exotic vacations don’t soothe an aching emptiness.

I learned not to seek validation from outside of me,
and to never seek validation from this business I call mine.

I also looked for women who were succeeding at what I wanted to create.
I knew I needed to see what was possible to believe it.
I read autobiographies.
I demystified success as an actress so that it could be real for me and not this intangible idea.

I worked hard at shifting internal stories.
I still do.

Lately I have felt this rekindle inside me
in new ways.
It makes me think,

What are my new dreams ?
Who do I have in my life to look at in that way I used to?

My dreams today mostly center around relationship—
Intimacy and creativity

My heroes and models now
Are folks
who are having connected, intimate relationships with their teens
With their friends
With their partners
With themselves.

I’m looking for women who are so authentic and
unwavering to their souls that it’s intoxicating.

I’m looking for families that are true to each other and free.
I’m looking to women living purposefully while supporting and taking care of themselves.

In these intense times we are living in,
I’m reminded that staying open to what’s stirring within me is important

It can feel like doomsday—
overwhelm at every corner.
It triggers so much doesn’t it?
This life.

So I lean on my tools.
I keep looking within.
I make connection the remedy for everything.
And I make room for feelings.

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