Simple 3-Step Recipe for Creating a Life You Love
by Dr. Jennifer Jones
Do you hear yourself say “I have to...” or “If I had/did this, then I would....?”
If you responded yes, it's a sign that you may be suffering from “Unaware of Your True Power Disorder.” It's a kind of mental disease that is contagious and often starts when we are young. We are told “you have to...” We are brainwashed that we have no choices, no power, that life “happens to us" instead of seeing the truth: that we create life.
Fortunately, creating a life you love is simpler than one would imagine. With highly effective results which will transform your subconscious mind so that, with little effort, your life will begin to transform.
The cure for “Unaware of Your True Power Disorder” is a special kind of homemade soup, taken daily, made with these three ingredients:
1. Measured doses of Intentional Decisions
Every day you make thousands of micro decisions and a few macro ones. The micro decisions, while often overlooked, become the foundation for your subconscious mind's understanding of choice. Herein lies great power. Here is what I want you to do: think about your day from start to finish, from the time you decide to wake, to what you decide to think about first thing in the morning, to what you decide to think when you look in the mirror, to what you decide to wear, to what time you decide to break your fast, to what kind of food you decide to nourish your body with, to whom you decide to speak to, to what you decide to think of them, to what you decide to speak about, and so on... As you can see, the emphasis is on the verb decide. The point is, in making these often habitual and unaware decisions intentional, great change will begin to take place. Every micro decision you make accumulates into your daily life. This requires subtle and minimal effort, but measured doses throughout the day.
Yet, the most important and most powerful micro decision you can make is choosing how you feel. To be honest, this is my absolutely favorite teaching that the field of psychology has given us: that feelings are a choice. No one is forcing you to be disconnected or irritated—it is a choice you are making. Obviously, no one wishes to feel this way and often the choice to feel this way comes unconsciously as a result of feeling unloved, like you are lacking, and most importantly, that people and life have power over you. To transform these unconscious beliefs doesn't have to be complicated. Simple practices such as what you think when you are falling asleep and when you first wake can create dramatic shifts in consciousness.
We process stress when we sleep, therefore, if you go to bed thinking about the things in your day that brought you simple joy--even something as simple as the great relief and comfort of laying on a soft bed, your brain will shift and patterns of positive thinking will emerge.
2. A Sprinkle of Possibility Mindset
A Possibility Mindset is a way of thinking that allows freedom—the essential block for creating a life you love. Like a cake without baking powder, your life will not rise up unless you add a sprinkle of possibility and freedom. The Possibility Mindset releases you from your unintended self-built prison to take you to a land of magic.
Your Possibility Mindset will naturally grow as you cook your Intentional Decisions (above). But there is something else you can do that is essential in releasing you from your prison. I call it A plus A and it's my favorite equation. You take a positive affirmation (e.g., I am getting healthier every day) and add an action to prove that this is true (you drink one green juice a day). It's important that your action is an easily achievable one and that your affirmation is precise. For example, if your affirmation was “I am healthy,” your mind would argue with you about a generic globalization and it will lose its efficacy. Or worse, if you have an affirmation with no action to back it up, your mind will certainly not be fooled. We've learned since the 80s and 90s that transformations rely on data. Affirmations without actions are simply bad math. So, what does A + A=? A Possibility Mindset. And the best part is, once you begin to see the effects of A + A, you will see the sky is the limit.
3. Broth of Everyday Joy mixed with a Practice of Loving Everyone
Everyday joy mixed with a practice of loving everyone is the most fun skill to practice. It requires you to see the world as a happy child and find connection in people. It is incredibly rewarding and leads to my next favorite teaching in interpersonal psychology and neurology: what we feel about others is what we feel about our Self. Simple as that!
So, you can see the importance of finding love for everyone—from the grocery clerk to that person who absolutely rubs you the wrong way. Mirror neurons, the powerful forces of projection, repression, and denial are some of the forces that come into play here.
Relationships are a mirror. Every time we have a negative feeling about someone, it infiltrates into our psyche and creates poison. One effective tool for releasing the power that negative behavior from others can have on you is to use the “Empathic Hook.” It's a tool that was taught to me in graduate school when I was working with someone who sexually abused children. I was told that I had to create a positive relationship with this man and I thought it would be impossible based on his past behavior.
The “Empathic Hook” pulls you into people through empathy—that is, finding areas where you relate, connect and understanding the person's pain. After about a month working with this man, his stories helped me to release my judgement and love him despite his behavior—and this became the basis for his healing. I now use this with everyone in my life. Whenever I feel negatively about someone, I imagine what they must have gone through to have such behavior and I look deeply into them to see them as a wounded child. With closer relationships, I will inquire more about their history or how they view the world. I also remind myself that trauma is relative. Just because someone grew up privileged doesn't mean that they didn't experience pain.
Finally, there's everyday joy. Can you remember when you were a child and how the simple forces of nature amazed you? Bring that thinking back ... life is magical, amazing, and overwhelmingly beautiful when we really see it as it is.
Cook these ingredients every day, in warm and comfortable temperatures and you will be astonished at the miracles that happen.
About Dr. Jennifer Jones
Dr. Jennifer Jones is the CEO of EntrepreneurShift and a nationally acclaimed psychologist and expert in the science of success, relationships, and happiness. She has been featured on national television and travels internationally as a featured speaker. Dr. Jennifer’s unique approach integrates positive psychology, organizational psychology, and neuropsychology with the wisdom of humanistic theory, attachment theory & holistic healing. Dr. Jones has a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and has studied at the University of Oregon, Alliant University, and UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute. Connect with her online @DrJenniferJones.