There are days when I want to do it all perfectly but I trip over my own feet in many ways. I am not perfect—no one is.
However, before my children were born, it seemed a lot easier to feel like I had it all together. But now, now it is not just me. Now it is me, plus a husband, plus three kids, plus work. It is a life filled with the things I love and cherish, but ultimately isn’t always so easy to hold. And this tension–the tension between wanting to do it all and not being able to—is where I struggle.
This weekend was filled with so much that ultimately had the potential to feed my soul but instead, left me feeling depleted. As I navigated the day Saturday, timing essential so that everything flowed, I started to struggle hard. To top it off, that evening I misplaced my bag which contained my car keys and wallet and ended up in tears ... all of the feelings of the day culminating in that moment.
Ultimately, I found my bag—phew. My dearest women friends hugged me and showered me with support—my tears theirs also, as we are all holding so much.
I think that so many of us, especially women, feel as though we can’t show our cracking. That we should make it all look so easy and graceful. Perfect. We look at others and compare and wonder—what am I doing wrong? What if we could find the beauty in our stumble, feel the relief in the admission that with each day we are simply doing our best? What if it’s okay to let it be easy?
This week I choose Grace.
I choose to smile even laugh at the imperfections of it all. I choose to stay flexible to the needs of my family without forcing them to look a certain way. I choose to ask for help when I need it, knowing that in the act of asking, I am finding a quiet strength. I choose to know that it will be okay if I don’t have it all figured out right away. I will remember not to compare someone else's outsides with my insides.
This week, I’m choosing to radiate grace: to seek the sweet and simple way of doing and being and when I fail because I know I will, I will try to remind myself to let it go and try again.