Opening to Desires for the New Year
It was four years ago, on New Year's Eve while sitting at my kitchen table with all my journals scattered around me, that I began dreaming up Annapurna Living.
New Year's Eve has always held tremendous potential in my being. My mother's birthday is New Year's Eve and, as a child, it meant dressing up going out for dinner and banging pots and pans on our front porch at midnight. I always got a new journal and would write what I dreamed of. Looking at that empty journal, knowing I could fill it with my heart's desire felt like the most luxurious and spacious ceremony, even as a child. It still is one of my most favorite things to do and I can be found throughout the day with books in hand, on a bed, and at a table, creating.
I have been inspired by so many people in my life. People I know; people I don't know. My life's mission is to seek inspiration in the every day moments of this divine life.
It was four years ago while sitting at my kitchen table that I fell in love with Danielle LaPorte and was inspired by her message. She comes from where I come from—literally—which is Canada. We speak the same language—the language of a woman who is hungry to live life with all her heart and soul. Finding her was like finding a part of myself that had been resting while I was birthing and nursing my brood. I would have glimpses of the creative space I wanted to grow. I had a craving to create a space for women to come to that inspired, uplifted and supported them.
Creativity and motherhood
I often felt isolated as a new mother and I could only imagine that others felt the same way. Finding a tribe that I felt aligned with was, at times, very challenging in those early years with babies. The incredible privilege of caring for my family kept me close to home and gave me little room to have any mental space. For example, while being with my babes on a hike, creative ideas would swirl in my mind—but by the time I'd get home and into the doing of my life, most of my ideas would evaporate. When I discovered Danielle, I rekindled a love affair with my creativity. I had been bringing it all to my family and now it was time to expand out of my safe little nest. I had the decadent luxury of having a Fire Starter Session with Danielle. In that conversation, a fire was deeply lit. A soulful dance with my passion to connect with others, and my true-love-mother-role began.
Around this time of year, it used to be that everyone sat down and made really long lists about the goals they wanted to achieve: go to the gym every day, read one whole book a week, be more organized, get a promotion. And for years I was one of those people, always searching for something outside of myself to prove that I was indeed becoming a better person than I had been the year before. But now, that kind of goal-setting, that racing to achieve is no longer in me.
It all comes back to desire.
Danielle's most recent book is called The Desire Map. The idea is that we stop focusing on these goals that many of us make and then ultimately fail to reach, thus shaming ourselves into further stasis. Instead, she encourages us to focus on the way we want to feel. Genius, right? Because often, what we think will give us the feeling we want usually doesn’t and then we’re left trying to figure out why, even after reaching all of our goals, we’re still feeling empty and unsatisfied. But it’s the question, How do you want to feel? which opens up so much more for me. Because when I know how I truly, deep down in my soul want to feel, then I will act accordingly to build a life that sustains me.
She calls this core desired feelings.
Here are my core desired feelings today:
So I look to my day to experience these things. I choose how I live with asking myself—will this make me feel these things? If the answer is “No,” I don't do it. If doing something—for example, making dinner—starts to feel dreadful and heavy, if I have the consciousness to notice that “This is not how I want to feel,” I lean on what inspires me and I act as if. Usually the shift in consciousness through the act of noticing is enough to bring me back to my true desire of inspired living. Not perfect living, inspired living.
I bring these desired core feelings to the day to day of my life, because I truly know that this is as good as it gets. This moment—at my kitchen table, with my family, with my friends, with you—is the life I crave.
And you, how do you want to feel in the New Year? What does your heart desire? Please let me know here in the comments, on Facebook, or on Instagram using the hashtag #AnnapurnaLiving ... I truly enjoy seeing what you have to share.