by Kellie Adkins
A tiny sock.
A toy pot.
A doll, discarded.
A song, forgotten.
Sometimes all you crave is solace. Instead there are baths to give, hair to brush and bedtime stories to read. Cleaning the floors instead of meditating on the nature of time and reality. Watching the dance recital instead of watching the breath.
I want to dive beneath the surface into this life headfirst.
I want to sit in silent contemplation for hours each day.
I want to be fully engaged with my daughter, partner and business.
I want to touch the soft, radiant center of this divine mess we call daily living.
Divided longings, tugging the heart in two directions.
Yearning for meditation and silent mornings devoted to practice: instead, covers stolen and asana practice-turned-jungle gym.
Prayerful contemplation is punctuated by loud bursts of song and shrieks of delight.
Rowdy mornings, full working days and exuberant evenings mean there is hardly a moment for quietude.
Yet beneath the din of the day to day, this hidden longing ever beckons. The craving for stars in one’s hair, universal union, radical stillness.
Is motherhood the absolute attachment? The ultimate obstacle? Can we stay grounded in practice, when the very essence of motherhood is groundlessness?
Perhaps motherhood breaks us open in just the right places—making more space for the light to get in. Opening our eyes to the truth of the sacred in the everyday.
Beauty is everywhere for those who have eyes to see.
The eternal present in the temporal. Everyday is sacred when you pause, open and breathe.
Come closer and sit for a while, child of the Universe. Get quiet. You asked to be broken open. You wanted to touch the soft, luminous center of this divine mess we call life.
Look all around you.
When we dive beneath the surface of life seeking the truth of connection, we find it is always waiting for us here in the moment.
Eyes open to the now, finding the sacred in the mundane as we fix our identity to these soul-chosen few. Mother. Partner. Sister. Daughter.
Washing tiny limbs, scrubbing hair, making tea, these tasks become water sacrament. Waters of life, I give thanks for thee, I give back to thee.
Tying our future to their present, we find the beauty in the precious and wild moments. Raining rose petals, kitchen dancing, faerie prayers, and flower mandalas.
The asana of morning cuddles, the meditation of bedtime stories, the pranayama of a toddler tantrum.
I inhale presence, I exhale calm.
Motherhood is fluctuation. Never above the constant whirl and hum of this spinning wheel, though at times centered within.
When the fluctuations of the mind are still, that is the practice of yoga. When you recognize fluctuation, that is the path of motherhood. Staying open to the experience is the heart of it all.
Occasionally, precious moments spring free, untethered by the fluctuating fray, hovering there on the surface: calling all of my attention to this quickly fading present.
3 A.M. wake up calls —her nightmare, my call to presence. Our quiet communion, soothing fears and deepening the breath.
Holding on, holding on, now letting go, letting go and expanding a little more.
Motherhood peels back the layers of each moment, revealing a glimpse of the radiant center within.
All that ties us down also holds us together?
I inhale deeply. I invite the fluctuations, knowing within the swirling center, there is a constant: choice. I exhale completely and grasp her tiny palm.
I choose the messy mysticism of the mundane, the daily art of living.
I choose eyes wide open, fully engaged, and a heart with wings.
I choose the path of soul growth.
I choose motherhood and mysticism.
for contemplation, meditation, and reflection
- What nurtures you at the soul level and how do you feel when you don’t carve out the space for it?
- Whether mystic, mother, lover, daughter or friend—what mundane ritual connects you to the divine, ephemeral beauty of all that is?
Kellie Adkins is a writer, mystic, mother and business mentor for yogis, creatives and healers. When she’s not leading yoga and lifestyle retreats, you’ll find her supporting other purpose-driven entrepreneurs. Kellie’s clients are conscious creative-types and with her guidance, are making big changes in the world of mindful business. Take a digital retreat with Kellie over here or join Kellie in-person at an upcoming self-care or wellness retreat here.