How to Create a Love Ritual and Set Others Free

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
— Kahlil Gibran, On Children
Altar by Dr. Deb Kern

Altar by Dr. Deb Kern

by Dr. Deb Kern

Last week as I was helping my son pack for a 2 week trip to California with his swim team, I found myself feeling the same kind of ‘not wanting to let him go’ feelings I had on the first day of preschool. After he left for his big adventure I found myself feeling a sort of dull ache in my heart. Sort of a homesick kind of feeling. I have those feelings often. Not just for my son, but for people I love deeply. Over the years I’ve learned that I tend to over-nurture and hold on in co-dependent ways—and having worked with hundreds of clients, I realize I’m not alone in those tendencies!  So I’ve developed a practice that helps me and my clients let go of people we love so that they—and we—are free. 

When I first began this practice, I was very hesitant. I thought letting someone go was synonymous with not loving them. I thought cutting energy cords was synonymous with cutting someone out of my life. But after using this technique (and tweaking it over the years) I have discovered that letting someone go in this way is a most loving and caring action—for them and for me. It allows them to connect to the real source of life energy rather than mistakenly believing that I am the source of their life energy. It allows them to be free to expand into their fullness without any limitations that I might unwittingly be placing on them. And it allows me to do the same.

You can do this with your children, parents, siblings, pets, friends, spouse, co-workers ... anyone you love and wish to set free.  

Set your loved ones free.

Here’s how I do it:

  1. I create a small altar with items that represent the person I am setting free and items that represent Divine Love. (I always have a representation of earth, air, fire and water on my altars. In this photo you’ll see crystals (earth), a vase of flowers (water and air—flowers represent air), a candle (fire). You’ll also see other items that represent my son and Divine Love.)
  2. I light a candle.
  3. I offer gratitude for the person.  
  4. I close my eyes and ask to be filled with Divine Love.
  5. I take a deep breath.
  6. Then I imagine the person standing in front of me. I imagine all the energetic cords connecting the two of us.  (Relax. If you are someone who doesn’t easily ‘see’ things in your imagination, just have the thought.)
  7. With my heart, I call forth Archangel Michael and ask him to cut all the cords of energy connecting me to this person.
  8. As the cords of energy are cut, I imagine the person’s energy returning to them and my energy returning to me.  I feel my energy fill up and I see their energy fill up and get bigger.
  9. Then I say (out loud or silently): “I love you and I release you to your experience of life. You are connected to the source of life and you are free to expand. And I am connected to the source of life, and I am free to expand.”
  10. As I say that I imagine them being held in the palm of God’s hand, surrounded by angels and I imagine myself the same way.
  11. Then I say “thank you, thank you, thank you.” (As the Christian mystic Meister Eckhart said, “If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is ‘thank you,’ it will be enough.”)

I hope this practice helps you as much as it has helped me.

In love and freedom,

Dr. Deb Kern

Dr. Deb Kern


Deb Kern, Ph.D. is a teacher of vision, a sought-after intuitive guide, health scientist, author and speaker. Deb is also a yoga therapist, NIA black belt teacher, and creatrix of PranaShakti—a mind/body movement form—and Clear the Way, a detoxification program for vibrant health. She shares her many modalities of healing and insight with women of all ages in her retreats and workshops, and offers one-on-one Divine Your Life sessions with true soul seekers from all over the world. Connect with Dr. Deb Kern at