HOW I WANT TO LIVE LIFE::

At the end of my life will I be thrilled with another movie on my resume, or will I be grateful that I held my baby?
— Carrie-Anne Moss
 
Carrie-Anne Moss AnnapurnaLiving.com
 

It was early in the morning and I was making breakfast and lunch. As I was flipping the french toast and cutting up fruit I was planning out the day in my head. My children were getting dressed and the morning ritual of "hurry up; let's get to school!" was in full motion.

As we were leaving the house, my youngest and I clashed over getting out of the house on time. As my voice got louder, irritated by her slow moving ways and  my lack of understanding that the hairbrush she needed was the only hair brush she could possibly use - as I started to explain how silly that was, it dawned on meā€”this is not way I want to live my life. Rushing to go to school, being harsh in the stress of it all, was not the woman I want to BE. Not having the mental space to offer heart space to my nine year old just isn't in alignment with what I believe in.

I remember when I first had my son 15 years ago. My career was busy and offers of juicy, good parts were steadily heading my way. I remember thinking, at the end of my life will I be thrilled with another movie on my resume or will I be grateful that I held my baby? The holding the baby came easy to this mama as I had money in the bank and holding that baby was like healing balm for my soul.

My children are older now and I can see that this gig of being a mother, a woman at this time offers great challenge.

Who will I BE?

Will I be stressed and fearful of what the future holds? Will I stress over test scores and middle schools? Over GMO'S and the pain in the world? Will I worry about the ailments of this planet?

Or will I have the faith that comes from being grounded and connected to what is important to me? Will I educate myself to understand what's going on and from a grounded, strong place within me, offer my voice to the solution?

Will I create a wall between myself and my growing children as they challenge me to grow? Or will I grow and change and look to how we connect instead of being rigid in the ways I think things should be?

Will I create art that is fresh and new with the woman I am Becoming? Will I let go of yesterday and create NOW from a new perspective, from fresh eyes and an open wise heart? Will I make Creativity the cornerstone of all that I hold dear? Bringing creativity to conflict, to relationships, keeps life full.

Will I cherish my friendships that are stable and nurturing? Cultivating and tending to the friendships that feed my soul, and offer that same nourishment to my dear friends?

Will I be kind and thoughtful?

Will I rush through the motions or will I savor the moments?

This is what I am pondering today. Instead of rushing through the motions of the day I want to notice the vibration of my life. I am not looking to create the perfect life.

The thing is, I don't want to miss it. I don't want to look back at my life and think- I wish I had stopped and given my daughter a hug when she was struggling, because when I have the space within I know its not about the tights but about so much more......

I don't want to live in regret.

So today I am looking at all I have in front of me and I am choosing to see it all and to know that what I bring my attention to grows.....

with so much love,
carrie-anne