I witness that part of me and stretch around it

Dear Women,

Spring is here, and as I watch the flowers emerge and the fragrances exhale, I am finding clarity in my corner of the world.

Clarity is important to me, and when I realized that I was craving clarity it helped to guide me in every aspect of my life.

I crave clarity in my relationships, in my work, and in the way I move through the world. I crave clarity in the way I show up and ask the questions I need.

I often hold the space of "witness." Witness of the life I have: watching the little boys in baseball uniforms slide down the patch of grass with stains on their white pants, giddy with glee. I know this moment, this ritual that my children do over and over again and will be done by other children for years to come. I connect with the gratitude that I witnessed this with my own children; that I witnessed it with other children; that I didn't pass by this (seemingly unimportant) part that could have easily been missed while I was rushing to get dinner on the table and kids to bed.

I'm so glad I didn't rush that part. The bridge between a game and home.

I sometimes dream of living a simple life on a farm with less distraction. I crave that too. My reality, however, is that I have a thriving career and children who want to know this world around them. Hiding out on a farm feels like a deprived existence for my almost 13-year-old. Of course he doesn't know what is best, but he sure teaches me and humbles me daily.

::Clarity:: live where I am now. Be here now.

No one could have prepared Me for the 5'9" young man that made me a mother. All the thinking and knowing would never had made sense to the heart of this mother. It is through the day to day movements and routines that I grieve the bits that are over while celebrating the new—even though it scares and bewilders me so.

::Clarity:: relationship matters

"I let go of my need to control and my judgement. I witness that part of me and I stretch."

I wrote that in my journal last year, and honestly I think it's my Guiding Light for every thing I do and everything I face. Keep stretching, keep growing.

::Clarity:: the answers are within me

From the preteen in front of me to the 6 year old who stretches daily to the middle child who makes it all seem so effortless. To an issue with my love or a squabble with a friend.

To the hardships I read daily in the news. To the politics.

To the business I work and love.

To the fear I have within me::

I witness that part of me and stretch around it.

It just feels good to say it out loud. You see, I want to live my life All-In. I want to remain open while the world happens around me. I want to wake up in the morning without grudges eating at my soul. I want to create business that lights me up and serves the whole. I want to hug my husband in the morning over tea. I want to remain curious with my children and their developing emerging selves.

I want to feel part of a community

To support and be supported

These things are important to me.

I build my life around this.

Clarity gives me this.

Full-on, face-to-face, heart-to-heart with my life::

ALL IN

Xx Carrie-Anne

Note: I sent this out to my email list today, but I wanted to put it here for everyone. If you'd like to join my list, you can do so here.

Also, MOTHER starts on May 2. Please join me if you'd like.