I'm writing this from my office—the kitchen table in my home. This table is my foundation, my place to renew, to work, to remember, to love. This week has been heavy and hard. I have felt ill, and nausea has hit me quite a few times. The words out of my mouth have been, "I feel like I've been hit by a truck." I feel tired exhausted afraid and confused.
Never have I been so grateful for my Sadhana. Truly. Never have I been so grateful for the full task of leading women in the way I have this year here on Annapurna Living and the Fierce Grace Collective. Doing this work brings much richness to my life and allows me to be in service in some way.
The emotions of this week remind me of the grit I often feel in motherhood. No matter how weary I may be, I must tend to these growing bodies. And so, no matter the pain and confusion that I have felt these past days:::
I must tend to my body
To my family
To my community
To my home
To the world
I always end up in the kitchen because it grounds me and gives me space and containment to find the clarity I seek. Now I am turning off the media and connecting to my heart to see what is living inside of me. It is time to tune in.
You see, I could pack up the car and my family and head north to my homeland of Canada. It's a real possibility for me, and one that I have written in big letters next to the words Los Angeleson the pros and cons list. I may end up back where I started. It sure smells good there, the people are kind, and when the prime minister was declared, my beauty-women friends there weeped out of gratitude and deep inspiration.
And then I look around, and I think and I say:::
What can I do?
Who am I?
What is important to me?
Who will I be?
I have been birthed here. I have become here. I have faced my fears and my limitations and pushed through, and I have created a beautiful, imperfect life here.
Los Angeles, California, and the United states of America have been my home for 25 years. I gave birth on this soil, to three children. I birthed a career here. I birthed a marriage here, to my Canadian/American partner which was made legal 17 years ago today in the backyard of my dear American spiritual teacher, Guru Singh. Every year on November 11, our anniversary, my husband and I (inspired by Guru Singh) write 2 words or ideas that we want to explore embrace or face in the coming year. Last year I wrote freedom and living full of potential as my ideas. I haven’t yet picked my words for this year. But in my Sadhana, I will open to the knowing of it. That is what my Sadhana gives me: the ability to download and receive; to be open and receptive to information. At a time when so much is needed, we must all find our way to be receptive to divine wisdom.
So at this time in our history in the middle of what appears to be such a low point, I am reminded of the words: what can I do for my country? What can I do? Who will I be? It always comes down to that. It's an entry into solution and action.
I am praying for clarity.
I am bowing to clarity.
I am bowing to connection and love and forgiveness and more love.
As we gather in all the ways humans gather—in rallies, around tables, in schools, in grocery store lineup—I pray, and I bow to your light.
May the long time sun shine upon you
All love surround you
And the pure light within you
Guide your way on