by Anna Lovind
If your dream is calling for you, are you willing to answer?
Let’s talk about the gap. The gap between what you say you want to do, and what you actually do. What does it look like in your life? Where do you feel it the most?
In your shoulders after too many hours in front of the screen?
In the sharpness of your voice when you spoke to your kid this morning, because you were in a hurry, because you had to make it to the meeting, because for a moment that became more important than the two of you. Your morning. Your relationship. Her tempo.
In how you reach for the food that doesn’t sustain you, then regret it, get it together, and reach for it again. Over and over again.
In how you don’t take the time to kiss your darling. I mean for real. Like it’s your last kiss. (How can we ever take for granted it’s not?)
In how you behave like the people in your life are only there to give you what you need.
In how you reduce the present moment to a stepping-stone to better future.
In how you say I don’t have time, and then log on to Facebook.
You know what I speak of. You know this gap. You may not know how to bridge it. That’s ok. Maybe you don’t need to know, just yet.
Maybe you just need to be quiet for a moment. Be still and quiet in a way you almost never are, because it makes your skin crawl. Because you’re so quick to reach for the phone, the remote, the fridge door, the company of others.
Because it hurts. The gap between what you say you want to do, and what you actually do. The gap between what you care about the most, and what you actually prioritize. Between the life you want to lead, with all your heart, and the never ending list of things you struggle to get through every day.
It hurts the most when you get quiet.
Be quiet anyway.
It’s the first step, and it’s inevitable. That gap is a doorway, and every time it hurts you’re invited to step inside. Come home, pain says. Listen to me.
You might not want to. You might be afraid that if you do, your life will be disrupted. Too much will change. Too much will be asked of you, and you don’t know if you’re ready for it.
The gap may be painful, but the pain is familiar. You know how to live with it. It’s easier not to go there.
But are you sure? I know nothing more strenuous and painful than refusing to listen to yourself. I know the relief is enormous once you do.
And in case you’re frightened, let me tell you what you’ll hear:
You’ll hear all the things you already know. You’ll hear the voice of your longing, that deep deep desire that never stops calling your name. However hard you try to ignore it.
It doesn’t matter if the gap in your life is an abyss or just a crack. Whatever mistakes you’ve made and continue to make, however lost and disconnected you feel sometimes, that door remains open. Never mind all the years that have passed. Your soul never goes quiet. It never stops calling you.
What if that is all you need to know, right now?
What if all that matters is the moment you answer?
Anna Lovind is a writer, editor and creativity mentor. Through her work, she wants to inspire change and give women permission to do it (life, work, art!) differently.
She teaches and writes about what it takes to live a happy, sustainable creative life, and during the last six years, she has helped a long line of aspiring creatives to move from dreaming to doing.
Anna lives in an old log cabin on a mountainside, overlooking a lake, where she drinks endless cups of tea, tends her garden and her kids, and writes. Connect with Anna at http://annalovind.com/.