It was early in the morning and I was making breakfast and lunch. As I was flipping the french toast and cutting up fruit I was planning out the day in my head. My children were getting dressed and the morning ritual of "hurry up; let's get to school!" was in full motion.
As we were leaving the house, my little had a panic over the tights she was wearing. As my voice got louder, talking her out of this completely silly-to-me need for new tights, it dawned on me—this is not way I want to live my life. Rushing to go to school, being harsh in the stress of it all, was not the woman I want to BE. Not having the mental space to offer heart space to my six year old jut isn't in alignment with what I believe in.
I remember when I first had my son 12 years ago. My career was busy and offers of juicy, good parts were steadily heading my way. I remember thinking, at the end of my life will I be thrilled with another movie on my resume or will I be grateful that I held my baby? The holding the baby came easy to this mama as I had money in the bank and holding that baby was like healing balm for my soul.
My children are older now and I can see that this gig of being a mother, a woman at this time offers great challenge.
Who will I BE?
Will I be stressed and fearful of what the future holds? Will I stress over test scores and middle schools? Over GMO'S and the pain in the world? Will I worry about the ailments of this planet?
Or will I have the faith that comes from being grounded and connected to what is important to me? Will I educate myself to understand what's going on and from a grounded, strong place within me, offer my voice to the solution?
Will I create a wall between myself and my growing children as they challenge me to grow? Or will I grow and change and look to how we connect instead of being rigid in the ways I think things should be?
Will I create art that is fresh and new with the woman I am Becoming? Will I let go of yesterday and create NOW from a new perspective, from fresh eyes and an open wise heart? Will I make Creativity the cornerstone of all that I hold dear? Bringing creativity to conflict, to relationships, keeps life full.
Will I cherish my friendships that are stable and nurturing? Cultivating and tending to the friendships that feed my soul, and offer that same nourishment to my dear friends?
Will I be kind and thoughtful?
Will I rush through the motions or will I savor the moments?
This is what I am pondering today. Instead of rushing through the motions of the day I want to notice the vibration of my life. I am not looking to create the perfect life.
The thing is, I don't want to miss it. I don't want to look back at my life and think- I wish I had stopped and given my daughter a hug when she was struggling, because when I have the space within I know its not about the tights but about so much more......
I don't want to live in regret.
So today I am looking at all I have in front of me and I am choosing to see it all and to know that what I bring my attention to grows.....
I want to grow my life:::
with so much love carrie-anne